Lars Fontaine, True Crime Press

Oysterlass is something of a mysterious figure herself. What do you know about her and can you tell me anything about what [TCP has] found out she's planning? Is she opening up a House of Louie Louie, or what?

[Editor's Note: Get it? Louie Louie? Kingsmen? Haw! We slay us!]

Far as I know she got hold of some unreadable disk that belongs to TCP and if it's a race (and not just a bicycle race) she's winning. I think this all has to do with something ES left for James ina box or something and it's encrypted or encoded or one of those things and everyone wants to know what's on it or in it and we don't know for sure but Oysterlass seems to have figured it out with her tech guy. I don't know who she is and even if she's a she and if her tech guy is that high school kid like she claims or what but heather thinks she's really cool. wow I should't say that if you know what I mean. But now everyone's mad at everyone and there are all kinds of acusations and even around here people are mad at Maggie Stein which can only be a good thing if you know what I mean. And you know what I'll tell you this as a secret because I'm pretty sure they're looking all over for some original tape of a video journal and no one can find it and I can tell you I had nothing to do with it but somehow it's

[Editor's Note: No, that's not a download error, that really is all he said.]

Your last statement there got cut off. Did someone walk in on you? Also, since you mentioned that it was a secret, should I not publish it with the rest of the interview?

And speaking of Maggie Stein, is there ANYTHING you like about her?

Yeah, Jeff Marosek walked by so I figured it was better to hit send and busy myself with other stuff. You know the way I feel you can publish anything you want because I sometimes think my days are numbered at this place in any case. I call it True Crime Pressure, not Press because that's what it's like around here a pressure cooker. The only thing I like about Maggie Stein is when she leaves. Also she has really cool shoes and don't ask my why because it doesn't go with her personality but I think it's like a feddish or something she never wears the same pair twice and they look like weapons if you know what I mean with this toes and heels that look like they could kill with the right karate kick which I doubt she can do.

Okay, well it looks like our time is about up. How about one last question: What do you know about Verlag Crimibrand and its relationship with TCP?

After that, I'd just like to thank you again for taking the time to chat with me. I hope to have the interview posted this evening. I was told you might be able to get me some graphics to use in it—maybe a picture of you and one of the TCP compound?

Oh yeah, and I'm supposed to ask how tall you are?

First I think I can find a dig camera around here and take a picture of the digs. I don't know about a pic of me but hey I'll do my best.

Verlag Crimibrand — all I know is there's some releationship between that company and TCP and there was a meeting going on when Owen got whacked. I mean hit by a car but I hear he's doing better although I haven't seen any proof of it myself. Well actually I saw an email he wrote to Heather from that place in North Carolina and it pretty unreadable even in my book and from what they keep telling me around here my book isn't all that swift, so what can I tell you. But back to Verlag Crimibrand I think they were negoshaiting what they call resiprocal agreements to publish some German writers at TCP and translate some TCP writers in German but as far as I know that all fell apart and to tell you the truth I've tried to search for VC on line and I don't seethem which makes me wonder if theyre even a legitamite business or a front for something else. So that's all for now and if you want to know more you know where to find me at least until I get the ax, ha ha ha. I'll try to send that pic but not sure if

[Editor's Note: Once again, do not adjust your set. For now, we will be but forced to wonder if this great, great man is as tall as he is sexy.]

Anyway, that's pretty much the long and the short of it (ho ho ho). We can't promise you ladies a pic but hey at least we tried, right?

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